A Mother's Tears

I'm writing this as I sit on the bed and cry, no I'm not sad...ok, well I sort of am. This morning I had to take Jaxon and Jaylin with me to put Jeffery on the bus since Jeff had to work today. We live down a dirt road so they just sat on the seats because we were running late...well the bus come and I was getting Jeffery out of the van and Jaylin tried to get out, I had to tell my little princess that she couldn't go yet, she would get to go in a couple of weeks when she was actually 3. She cried, and I mean CRIED! She kept saying "bussss....I want bussssss" (yes, she exaggerates the s lol) It broke my heart as I walked Jeffery to the door of the bus and I could hear Jaylin screaming and crying in protest. I tried with all my might to bribe her to stop crying, juice box? No. Poptart? No. Spongebob? No. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw her on her knees looking back as we pulled off and the bus turned around to go pick up more kids. Her screams and cries turned into whimpers and whines, then she got quiet. She had accepted the fact that she wouldn't be getting on the bus today, but me, I was dreading tomorow...we would have to go through it all over again.

As I lay here on the bed reading while Jaxon and Jaylin sleep, the phone rings and I see it's Head Start, of course my heart jumped to my throat thinking something happened to Jeffery, especially when it was the director and not his teacher who would call if he was just sick or something. She informs me that they found a loop hole and Jaylin could start school tomorow! The rules state that to be in Head Start the child must be 3 on or before September 30th, doesn't say they can't start until her birthday which is what they originally thought.

So tomorow she will get to get on that bus with Jeffery, and tomorow, instead of Jaylin crying because she can't get on that bus....I will be the one crying because she DID get on that bus. She's always been mommy's little sidekick, attached to my hip at all times, and now, now she gets to go on her own to school. She gets to make friends, and expand her mind, while I sit here and cuddle Jaxon and wish he never has to grow up, knowing that isn't possible...but I can dream can't I?