Jeffery's Behavior

I know I've mentioned that we have issues with Jeffery's behavior. We've went as far as to take him to a specialist at UVA (University of Virginia) who told us "he's a normal kid, with not so normal behavior issues" ok, fine, at least someone recognized he has behavior issues. The doctor put him on Paxil and he ended up having a bad reaction...so no more meds. The dr don't want to try anything else. Fine with me, but give me SOME help!

I'm writing this in hopes it reaches someone with similar problems with their child. Here is the issues I'm having:

~ He's violent...he hits, kicks, throws things, breaks things...anything and everything! Including myself and his dad gets hit and kicked...he's even hit his sister

~He can't control his bowel movements...we've been to seen a GI specialist, but to no avail.

~He has sensory issues. He can't stand loud noises, he has to have his blanket on a certain side (he dont see it, he feels the difference)

~He has tore a hole in his bedroom wall and broken 2 windows by throwing things through them.

~He recently started laughing when he's in trouble...it's like he dont understand he's in trouble or that I'm mad.

~I've found a penny in his poop (since he's in diapers or pull ups now) so that means he's eating things that aren't food

~He has a speech delay (we're unsure how this happened, he had no history of ear infections but the dr suggested tubes just to see if that would help...shortly after getting tubes he started speech therapy)

~The slightest thing causes a tantrum! Day to day things he over reacts about, such as eating, bathing, picking up toys, getting dressed, etc. Its a constant fight with him!

The reason the dr wont diagnose him with anything is because he has good social, and he makes eye contact...plus he only acts like this at home, his teachers say he's fine in school.

I'm at a loss of what to do. It's driving me nuts that I can't control my 4 1/2yr old!!! We are having therapists coming to the house starting this week...one for the family, and one for Jeffery, they even mentioned they might send in an autism specialist since he has so many characteristics of autism.

I have to mention, the behavior specialist at UVA said Jeffery shows signs of Autism, Aspergers, OCD and ADHD, but not enough to diagnose him. He's a very smart child, he's 4 1/2 and can write his first name, knows his first and last name...can count to 15. He's a bright kid! I love him to death...but I can't handle the behavior much longer!

Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated, if you know someone who could help me, please let me know! I need all the help and support I can get! This is getting way too out of control!!!