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I'm working and working on reviews and giveaways that need done. I have a lot of stuff going on at home with the kids' and their school with meetings. Please be patient and know that I'm not gone. Please keep checking back for new stuff!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Ups and Downs

We all go through ups and downs, I feel like I go through them a lot more often than I should. Of course I know I'm clinically depressed and/or possibly bipolar but with no insurance I can't get medicated to get it under control. That coupled with my anxiety issues is a major problem in my life. It seems like every day I'm in a different mood, I'm a different person, I'm not me. The only stable thing is my mothering skills, my kids are my world and that is the one thing that never changes. It's the other things that bother me, some days I don't want to be married to Jeff, some days I just want to be single, others I just want to find someone else because I just want something different. Sometimes Jeff don't even do anything wrong, I just want something else...but then the next day he's all I could ever ask for and I love him to death and can't see my life without him.

Then there's nights like last night, same as every other night...maybe I'm getting tired of a routine? I just went off. I yelled, I slammed doors, I pitched a fit. All because he was playing a computer game that he can't pause and if he walks away he could die or something. Yesterday was a rough day all around, Jaxon was crying all day, Jeffery and Jaylin fought all day and I was just exhausted, yet all he wanted to do was get on that game. Without getting into details, it was a battle all night, which got worse when the kids went to bed. Let's just say he slept out in the living room (after being immature and getting mad and taking ALL but 1 pillow off the bed because I refused to move) He hates not being in control and last night he wasn't. He threatened to turn off our cell phones and when I told him that's not possible for him to do because they are in my name...he had a hissy fit and I laughed and continued to play on my phone, once we argued enough for him to know his name is no where on the cell phone contract, or in the system at all he knew he was on the loosing end of the battle and walked out and slammed the door. I watched a little tv, he slept in the living room.

Now today, I can barely remember why we were fighting to begin with. I've talked to him while he's at work, we've laughed about last night how he was so immature with the pillows and such. But I am still mad at him for saying some things he said.

To be honest, I don't even know where I'm going with this post. I started it, then the kids went to take a nap so I went too, now I've lost my train of thought.

Here are some ups we've had this week:

Jeffery was having accidents again, but today he stopped since we flushed his little body out...he seems to be doing better

Jaylin is doing awesome in school, her teacher is so proud of her. I even ran into the PreK teacher and she was trying to get me to sign Jaylin up for PreK instead of Head Start next year so she could have her in her class!

We're going on vacation for a week, starting tomorrow! Going down to Virginia Beach area for Virginia Head Start Conference, that's 3 days, and the next 3 days we'll be sight seeing and visiting family and friends. While I'm at the conference, Jeff will take the kids to his parents' house so they get to see the kids. I can't wait! I'll still have access to internet and such so I can still blog and chat and all that fun stuff.

3 comments:

Kelly said...

My husband fight about the computer games as well. I can't stand it when I'm doing 30 things at once and he has to"beat one more level"! We also argue about silly stuff that makes no sense and make up soon after. I think if you are having depression/bi-polar/anxiety issues (I have severe anxiety/OCD myself) maybe you should look into a mental health clinic. They work on a sliding scale for fees. They can evaluate you and get you the meds you need without insurance (we don't have any either). I don't know if you have these places in your area, but there is help out there. You don't have to feel this way!!
Good luck, and have a great time on vacation. Maybe it will give you some stress relief!!

dor said...

This is a very personal thing for me to talk about but I know what you mean about bi-polar. Too back you have no insurance. I emotionally all over the place too.
I now have the best Doctor ever who specializes in it. I am on a low dose of an anti-depressant and a mood stablizer. WoW! It is so nice to be level,stable. Nothing urks me anymore. It's a relief. Just wanted to say that.

Have a great vacation.

~*~ Melissa ~*~ said...

I'm sorry things are so rough for you Jackie. I think all of us women must go through those feelings because i feel them often. Some days i wish i could just leave, be done, forget the past 12 years. but then again, I have to think that who I am today is also in part because of him. I hope some way, some how you can find some common ground and make things work. If not, you know we'll all be here for you. Big hugs to you girl.

 
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